At the suggestion of someone, I shall compile a list of the top-10 things that make you a fake race fan, that is a "fahn." This continues our NASCAR/Star Trek Adventure that will continue until I run out of Star Trek movies/TV Series to parody and/or steal from.
1. You won't watch because they "drive in circles": look, I may not be the biggest proponent of racing, but how in Mister Scott's name can you watch the Kentucky Derby, men nad women riding on a horse, and then turn around and say doing the exact same thing with ARCA car at Duquoin, men and women riding on an automobile engine, is just "going in circles?" That doesn't make sense. Likewise, it's a fallacy for road racing fans to say the same because they essentially drive in circles too!
2. You won't watch because your favorite driver isn't there: Spock says you're illogical. If you root for a driver, fine. But are you watching RACING, or are you watching the DRIVER? If you want to see the driver, Youtube Carl Edwards appearances on The Guiding Light. You're supposed to be watching racing, not admiring Jeff's unibrow.
3. The cars aren't fast enough: Used by detractors of IndyCar and proponents of F1. If Speed is what you want, then watch NHRA. They go faster than the rest. Blink and you miss it. See the funny car?
4. It's too redneck: Oh, so we are supposed to cowtow to you and your damned Yankee views? We have to listen to YOUR Occupy Wall Street protests and see YOUR signs, but WE aren't allowed to listen to OUR fast cars and see OUR pride and joy, the Rebel flag? Can someone tell me how the Rebel flag is racist when the Civil War was about damned tariffs? That's right. It was about tariffs, not slaves!
5. It's not diverse enough: Look, there are pro-sports teams with all-black rosters. White people still watch it without an issue. I watch it without an issue. You can enjoy an all-white sport just as well. It's about character, not looks. We want to see 43 drivers who want to win, not 10 drivers who want to win and 33 who want to be rich, like we've got today.
6. It's not green enough: Look, I understand, but if are going to not watch a race because they aren't running ethanol, then you need to evaluate your fanhood.
7. You won't watch if you're favorite driver misses the show: I watch F1. I watched my guy get gypped in qualifying in Germany. I still watched all 60 laps on Sunday. It's the cars, not the drivers, that make us fans.
8. There's not enough passing: If you want that much passing, go Youtube a NASCAR race at Talladega. Racing is supposed to be about speed and strategy. From a logical standpoint, there is thrill to strategy racing because you don't know who's going to get the right strategy.
9. There's not enough wrecks: just go to hell. If you want to see wrecks, you obviously haven't read my Jason Leffler post. How could you wish for a driver to DIE? Are you insane? What's fun about watching a wreck? That's why we have LEGO's.
10. You don't like the changes in the series: I understand. That's why there are so many racing series. There WILL be one that floats your boat.
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